The Twin Peaks: Las Vegas Valentine's Day Special — Be My Valentine, Sonny Jim

Welcome back to Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, my “reviews” of the imaginary Twin Peaks spin-off sitcom!

---

This week in the Twin Peaks: Las Vegas Valentine's Day Special, Dougie buys into a timeshare unbeknownst to Janey-E, and Sonny Jim has a heart-to-heart with his special someone.

The Joneses start the episode on vacation. You can tell with all the picturesque plant life that the location is a resort town, and its unrecognizable appearance gives the impression it’s tucked away like The Prisoner’s Portmeirion. The theme song credits opened over new images of this new place (along with a classy harp-based rendition of the Jones theme), and instead of ending on the Jones house per usual, the final shot is the main hotel building jutting from the ground like a gigantic Hobbit house. I need to know where this resort is!
When the music settles down so does the camera, into Dougie and Janey-E’s room, which is all decked out in red heart-shaped pillows and flower vases. Through a door in the back of the shot, we can see Sonny Jim happily bouncing on his bed in the adjoined room. Janey-E is visibly impressed.

Janey-E: Dougie! This is wonderful! How did you manage this?
Dougie: We just have to go in for a meeting, Janey-E, and this whole stay is paid for.

Her happiness momentarily skips when she realizes she’s there for a likely timeshare sales pitch, but her smile snaps right back on and she says “Well, what can that hurt! Where’s the spa?”
The next scene is either later that afternoon or the next morning. Sonny Jim is texting on his phone and he wanders down the hall as Dougie and Janey-E wish him well before they go into a meeting.
The woman on the other side of a desk greets them. Everything is cordial. The salesperson begins, and two separate audio fade/builds with slight camera shifts imply a rather boring sales pitch and time passing. Janey-E isn’t at all interested—she keeps trying to look out the window at the scenery—until she hears the saleswoman say “…which your package already has but you can still upgrade.”

Janey-E: What do you mean by “your package”?
Salesperson: The package that included all of those lovely pillows and flowers…that’s just the tip of the iceberg!
J: I’m sorry?
S: You’re already a part of our exclusive resort family!
J: Am I now.

And Janey-E’s eyes go into full “I bet she did” mode right as the scene cuts. Classic! I wish they showed us exactly what kind of reaming she gave that salesperson, but I do appreciate the immediate shift to the wide shot of blue sky and clouds, right before we see a shot from above looking straight down on Sonny Jim. He’s lying on his back in his puffy winter coat on the lushest green grass you could ask for.
I adore that Sonny Jim and Winnie are cloud-watching and that they’re sharing their skies with each other by their phone cameras.

Sonny Jim: What about this one?
[his phone’s image turns from Winnie’s face, which is adorable and earmuffed, to a cloud.]
Winnie: Definitely a bear.
SJ: photo realistic or cartoon?
W: Cartoon. Her ear’s on the top right and her other ear is in the middle under that gray part.
SJ: I definitely see that!

Even though they’re states apart, they’re finding a way to pretend/experience it like they had the same exact sky above their heads. It’s really sweet. The whole conversation is endearing like this and works better seen than typed, but trust me, it’ll make you smile.
The scene ends with Winnie wishing Sonny Jim was across the street like he always is.

Winnie: After all, it’s Valentine’s Day.
Sonny Jim: Yeah, that’s for sure. But I’m definitely getting you something.
W: Really??!! [her face explodes into a giddy smile.]

The kids say goodbye in that really cute way when it’s way too early to say “I love you”, and when Sonny Jim hangs up his mouth forms a stressed rectangle and you can tell he’s trying to figure out what in the world he could possibly get Winnie. Endearing.
The show goes into a Wes Anderson-style song montage with Janey-E racing around from office to office giving people all the What For she could, while Sonny Jim looks around gift shop after gift shop ruling out kitsch and t-shirts. And one time we see Dougie walking past a pie stand, being tempted even as he forces himself to keep going. You can tell he feels bad, but it doesn’t seem to matter at all to mission-mode Janey-E.
The song montage ends and all the Joneses ended up in a store that sells curio items.

Dougie: Janey-E, I’m sorry about this whole mess. I thought it’d be a nice way to give you the world one piece at a time but I wasn’t expecting it to buy itself quite so easily.
Janey-E: Oh Dougie… If I wanted the world, I’d take the world. [She playfully tiger-swipes her hand.] It’s all taken care of anyway. The nice man I just talked to says we’ll be staying, on the house, for a week. [Said with a sparkle in her eyes:] They were very sorry things began the way it did here.

The two continue to talk and Janey-E explains how alive that quest for “commerce justice” made her feel, and the camera shifts to the other side of the room from them. While Janey-E accepts Dougie’s apology, Sonny Jim is frantically looking around the shop until he starts to slowly walk towards the camera. And he starts looking relieved. He gets right in front of us and is lifting up something below the camera sight line. He smiles, then audibly says “phew!”
In the background, Janey-E says “Let’s all get some pie.” Cut to credits.

Overall Thoughts
I wish someone somewhere would admit where they filmed this episode, but based on how quiet everyone’s being, the non-disclosure agreements probably apply to filming locations too. Which is bizarre for tourism purposes, but what can you do? I expect one of these days someone who’s been to the location will reveal the name on social media, but so far mum’s the word.

 

 

As far as the story goes, I don’t think Sonny Jim needed to worry about Winnie’s reaction but he’s young enough that it’s completely believable he’d think the gift is a make-it-or-break-it moment. Also, his stress gives us the gift of the Aardman Animations-style mouth shape that I never knew I wanted to see on a real person until I saw it on Sonny Jim.
I’m also glad that Janey-E took the “already bought a timeshare” plot as a personal challenge rather than focusing on the “Dougie screwed up” aspect. It helped that Dougie obviously didn’t know what he’d done, but in other shows that would’ve been a rift-maker rather than an obstacle. And we could all tell Janey-E loved having a mission. It’s nice to see that things can go to hell in the middle and everyone still comes together at the end.
Take care, Joneses. Good luck with Winnie, Sonny Jim. Love all around to all of you. And may all you readers have an equally loving and much less stressful Valentine’s Day, with a full sky of clouds to talk about.

(Original edition published 2/10/2019)

The Twin Peaks: Las Vegas Christmas Special - Yes, Sonny Jim, There Is A Krampus

Welcome back to Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, my “reviews” of the imaginary Twin Peaks spin-off sitcom!

---

This week in the Twin Peaks: Las Vegas Christmas Special, Janey-E feels guilty about a "free" gift, and since Phillip Gerard is real, Sonny Jim wonders if the same is true for spirits like Krampus.

The episode begins in a standard issue department store, where Janey-E is checking out at a register and chatting happily with an overly pleasant clerk. Everything is going well right up until a missed scan on a box labeled "The Everything Pad," which is a most excellent name for a maguffin if I ever heard one. What's more excellent is the freeze frame and jail cell door slam sound effect as that un-scanned Pad goes from the clerk's hand to a shopping bag.
Next we see Janey-E dropping money in a charity worker's can, then driving home humming along with Christmas music, then another scene where she's at home putting everything away. Then she checks the receipt. And checks it again. She goes to the closet, verifies the Everything Pad is in the closet where she hid it, checks the receipt again very confused, then says this with a twinkle dawning in her eye:

Very Exciting!
A Treat!

She then begins to imagine, complete with a harp strings transition, that she's controlling her oven from her new tablet, then a contraption that feeds Hairy, then all the lights in the house (for mood, and Al Green played low), then a bubble bath generating bubbles all on its own. Then it comes back to Janey-E in the kitchen, where all she says is:

A Christmas miracle!

The clerk pops in with an in-set thought balloon and winks at her. As if it's meant to be!
Then the camera moves down the hall, where Sonny Jim is watching what is absolutely the Venture Brothers holiday special with two male friends. They're laughing as one of the Ventures starts spouting the spell from Excalibur though they obviously missed the reference because one of them starts saying "Azarath Metrion Zinthos" over and over again. Sonny Jim didn't mind, but by the time Dr. Venture was being whipped by Krampus he had an expression on his face that read "Hey, wait a minute." The show's background music at that point had Christmas jingles in it but it went from major key to minor as the scene faded.
Later on, Janey-E is wiping off her makeup and she has another thought bubble appearance from the store clerk, except this time he's handing her the Everything Pad and then his boss scolds him and he's immediately pulled into a jail cell. The way they filmed it I think it was supposed to feel like if Phil Bisby got fired. Janey-E mutters:

Everything is fine. Christmas miracle is all.

The in-set imaginary clerk is beckoning to her from his cell.
Meanwhile, Sonny Jim is in his bed, checking the corners of his room and windows with his eyes. After a while, he says a single word:

Phillip?

Gerard hears it in the Waiting Room and he fumbles over to a fire place before fading in around the curtains in Sonny Jim's room while spotlights shine down on then swoop up from Sonny Jim. Phillip's words are surly like a bear, and backwards as usual, but for readability I'll type them forwards this time:

PG: You have need?
SJ: Phillip, is Krampus real?
PG: You need not know, things such as these.
SJ: Well you're real. It's a valid question.
PG: Hrm.
SJ: Please, Phillip. For my safety. And my mom and dad's, too.
PG: [long surly pause] Very well.

And then Phillip Gerard hams it up like a perfect British host getting ready to tell a properly spooky ghost story. I wish he had a pipe, that was all he was missing.

PG: Krampus is not. Not as you know him, but something like him is. And Krampus, is his familiar.
SJ: Whoah. There's something worse than Krampus?
PG: We must not talk about the other. The other is unconcerned with our plane, except for most egregious transgressions, the likes unfathomable, to yours. You have nothing to fear, child. Nor your sires.
SJ: But...but why did my world name it Krampus?
PG: Is your given name Hairy? Is the mongrel Sonny Jim? Such things mean nothing.

The concept was practically laugh-out-loud that Phillip would say such a mundane comparison, but his delivery was positively chilling. Well played.
They spoke more obtusely for a little while longer and then Sonny Jim tripped into a phrase that made Phillip reveal Krampus the familiar: it looked like a featherless owl, and it was tiny, much in line with the "Actual Size" gag that finished the Buffy Season 4 Halloween episode. And this Krampus ran over to Sonny Jim, who appeared to be relieved and curious. He took out a cracker from his bedside desk and fed the Krampus.

PG: A righteous offering, intelligent boy. He enjoys the pleasures.

After such goofy subversion of classic Twin Peaks scenes, Gerard says one more thing in an approving tone:

PG: Fears live in darkness.

I wonder if there was a cat on-set with Sonny Jim when they shot the scene because he was so natural with the creature. And there's a scientific method approach to Sonny Jim's thought process. He even talks to Krampus.

SJ: I can see why people could be scared of you, especially if you were right in front of their face...

I could see Sonny Jim building up confidence, and he asks Gerard one final question:

SJ: Who's familiar is he right now?
PG: Child.

Gerard delivered the line as if Sonny Jim was overstepping, and that not getting an answer was an inevitability, but it makes me curious if the "offering" made Sonny Jim Krampus' new master and Phillip was declaring it true officially. I know, I know, it's a trick of the grammar, but that would be pretty bad ass. Though I know Hairy wouldn't match up with that thing as part of a pack.
But it's just oddball enough I could see it anyway. Still, don't count on it.
Back to the show. It moves to the next morning without any more of my own personal tangents. Sunshine just fades in with the Jones kitchen. Janey-E finishes her coffee, picks up the Everything Pad and then drives to the store. The back and forth between her and the store manager was priceless, but I'll only include its conclusion here or this recap would double in size.

Manager: No receipt?
J: No Receipt.
M: No return. No receipt, no return.
J: I don't want to return!
M: You can exchange it for store credit, that's it.
J: ARRRRGH!
[Janey storms off, leaving the box.]
M: Miss, your Pad!

Janey-E looks flustered but relieved as she drives home, but you can tell she knew she made the right decision for her.
Time passes, and we get one last scene after Sonny Jim gets home. He's trying to wrap a medium-sized box.

J: Are you and Winnie doing something tonight?
SJ: The Gingerbread Campfire! Did you forget?
J: Of course not. [Looks at the package] Here, let me...

But then Janey-E stops short of wrapping a bow around the box and instead teaches Sonny Jim how to wrap it himself as their vocal tracks fades and the Christmas style background music takes the foreground.
Dougie comes in, dressed completely as Santa, and in the background we can hear his "ho ho hos", Janey-E saying "Dougie, Sonny Jim is much too old for that now", Dougie saying "No one, Janey-E, is too old to believe in Christmas spirit!", and Janey-E cooing "Oh, Santa!"
Then the voice track fades out completely and the credits start to role. A nice touch is how every scene in the house, usually plain rooms, are decked out to the gills Janey-E style. Plus, I'm not sure if this was officially a thing, but there was a find-the-Santa-hat aspect to it that I'm not sure was a game I made up or if this was an intentional touch. Either way, my favorite was the one on top of the toaster oven (that had some kind of shaving cream or something forming a smile on its glass under the hat).

Overall Thoughts
We're not going to talk about the big bad demon, in fact we're not going to talk about it at all. Instead I'll ask this question: did anybody else hope like hell that Winnie is the first name of the Cooper girl?   
There was nice execution of form and characters all throughout this episode, even little touches with Sonny Jim's friends in the TV watching scene. The clerk obviously stole the show and I wish he'd made it into the scene with that manager at the end. The only reason he doesn't get top honors is because of the CGI team that created that adorable little Lodge monster out of Krampus. If you already like hairless cats, you've fallen in love.
Theme-wise, I'm fairly impressed that they managed to put together a typical American consumerism-focused story with a British traditional ghost story approach to the holiday, and made it fairly seamless. It really seemed, until about 2/3rds of the way through the Gerard scenes, that Janey-E was going to be served punishment for her unintentional theft, but the whole show really turned sweet from the moment that creature ate the cracker.
The one tricky thing is only having Dougie in the final moments of the show rather than it focusing on the family as a unit, but the Thanksgiving special covered that ground fairly well anyway so I guess they were going for not being repetitive. Really, I only asked myself "where's Dougie" one time while I was watching, so I admit it worked out fairly well how he was used as a happy exclamation point at the end.
All told? This one goes places you'd never guess, and it managed to keep me happy the whole time. Thanks for the present, Jones family.

---

Thanks to my wife, for when I asked which direction I should take the Christmas special, she said “Krampus.”

(Original edition published 12/24/2018)

The Twin Peaks: Las Vegas Thanksgiving Special - The FrogBug That Came To Dinner

Welcome back to Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, my “reviews” of the imaginary Twin Peaks spin-off sitcom!

---

This week on the Twin Peaks: Las Vegas Thanksgiving Special, Janey-E goes into overdrive to save everything when the Jones house has to be fumigated days before the holiday.

The show opens by moving through the Jones house, feasting on its decorations of pumpkins, flowers, corn and little turkeys and pilgrim characters. I’d be remiss not to call out the one giant stuffed animal turkey which is AMAZINGLY out of place and glorious.
It’s almost identically shot for shot with the Halloween episode with Janey-E going through the house primping the decorations, except right at the end the camera zooms in on her face and her giant scream: The camera looks down to the floor and zooms in on a cockroach crawling on the hardwood floor then flattening and sliding into a crack that seems impossible to fit through.
The camera immediately is outside the Jones house, turkey and pumpkin decorations covering the yard. Prompting birds to fly from the trees is a shout from inside: “DOUGIEEEEEEEEE!”
Next scene there’s a bug guy in the house with Janey-E. He looks just like Phil Bisby, and is played by the same actor but with no glasses.
“I trust you for some reason.” Janey-E says. “Which is the only reason I am not eviscerating you right now. You do realize you are uprooting a family on Thanksgiving, correct?” This scene is tense and I worry for that guy. Janey-E rephrases a few more ways before letting him live. “There is NO other way. Correct?”
What finally seals the deal is this comment from bug guy: “Not unless you want roaches in your stuffing.”
We get a hard cut to the Mitchums’ living room. Candie is alone, walking past the ringing phone and acting somewhat distressed. She seems to have zero interest in addressing it and walks back and forth looking for others. She reminds me of the Fireman in Part 8 addressing his alarm bell but she’s still all Candie about it.
She picks the phone up like it’s a wet rag and says “oh!” instead of hello. When she hears it’s Janey E though she erupts in a flurry of the absolutely mundane aspects of picking out her uniform for the morning, which reveals she notices the most MINISCULE differences in seam work quality. Candie pays attention to the details!
She then goes into the kitchen where the brothers are eating giant BLT sandwiches on hoagies and hands the phone to Bradley because Rod is engrossed in his newspaper.
The scene has perfect Bob Newhart patter as we can’t hear Janey-E’s side of the conversation.

“So sorry to hear!”
“Yes, yes we do!”
“Yes, the best room in the whole Silver Mustang Motel!”
“Bring anyone you’d like!”
“Giant dogs are no problem at all!” Then to Rod, “Make sure they room-vac on Monday.”
“We love it!”
“Champagne!”
“Anything for THE Mrs. Dougie Jones!”

Rod plays a most excellent second banana the whole time, looking earnest and serious and nodding appropriately, even loudly flips a newspaper page, all while in a Norman Rockwell dad pose.
Later that day we’re back in the Jones home. Dougie, Sonny Jim and Hairy are all in a line like soldiers while Janey-E is their pacing commanding officer giving them their marching orders.

“The fumigation takes one week. This means our Thanksgiving is ruined. But I refuse to accept defeat! Thanksgiving is in four days but we are going to do this.”

She explains how cousins and friends and anybody at all, “even you, Hairy,” are welcome at the Silver Mustang in their best room. The Joneses have limited time but they’re moving the whole house over there.

“All of it?” Dougie asks sheepishly.
“ALL of it” is Janey’s answer.

She’s absolutely hysterical when she’s overly serious so I expected that to lead into an old-school comedy of errors moving scene next, but instead, the show did it over time-lapse and the decorations just disappeared one by one.
Then in the new (and much smaller) hotel room, we see the decorations filling up the space in a much cozier way. It made me feel like it’s a small child’s room the way the decorations are compressed. Then we see a shot of Janey-E and Dougie surveying the new space once it’s complete. She has her hands on her hips, and Dougie looks like he doesn’t know if it’s right or not. He gets relieved when she says “Well, just one more thing!”
Then they’re in the same pose outside their house but instead, Janey-E’s tucked in Dougie’s arm looking sad. Seeing the next shot of their house, I can see why. There’s a multicolored tent over the house. It looks like a bounce house or a circus tent. Janey-E keeps making an “ohhhhhhhhhh” sound like a hurting puppy, and Dougie ushers her over to the car and they drive away.
Later, the Joneses are in the hotel room trying to make or eat sandwiches while they bump into each other in the tight quarters. Harry’s nose is adorably in the shot as he begs and also gets in the way.
In this silent scene, Janey-E’s eyes get huge. We see a shot inside the refrigerator with a dotted outline of a missing turkey. Then Janey-E inhales in a worried way and we get a shot inside the Jones kitchen where we see a roasting pan with the same dotted line turkey shape in it. Janey springs for the phone.
At the house, the smoke begins to fill the hallway.
We get a slow fade to dark, but then the sun comes up over the establishing shot of the Las Vegas skyline, a tell if I ever saw one that things will turn out okay.
It’s now Thanksgiving morning. The camera moves through the cramped hotel room.
Dougie turns on the parade on TV. Sonny Jim is setting a table comically with plastic plates. Hairy is taking up an entire love seat leaving almost no place for anyone to sit, laying on the giant stuffed animal turkey like a pillow (they look like buddies).
The pink girls are in the kitchen with Janey-E working on some food dishes. We can hear Janey-E say “Christmas had better not have any hitches”, but the camera moves on.
The Mitchum's arrive with a giant turkey between them in a pan. Phil stops by with a tiny woman (who appears to be a significant other!) and before the camera moves on we hear Janey say to him “I met your brother…”
The apartment scene is positively peaceful despite being action packed. And it fades out the just as the Jones house begins to fade in.
The house is dark but picks up the multiple colors of the tent filtering in through the windows.
A frogbug is walking ominously around on the tile floor of the kitchen. Then it stops, twitches a back leg, and flips over dead, glitching into a cockroach. At least that’s what it looked like when I paused the screen. It’s one of those blink-and-you-miss-it moments, but I definitely saw a roach leg formation rather than those distinctive frogbug legs.
The camera pulls up, over to the right, and we see Phillip Gerard scoot from around the corner and he gives the camera a smile and thumbs up. Cut to credits.

Overall Thoughts
I’m going to start with the frogbug. First, a frogbug! Holy crap!
Second, I’m going to assume the frogbug’s connected to whatever was downloading onto Janey-E’s tablet at the end of the Halloween episode. I’m also going to assume that based on Phillip’s goofy reaction that whatever dread we were supposed to feel last time may be all the way completed, behind the scenes. This may even wipe the slate clean from any of that dramatic Twin Peaks lore. I hope not, but I can’t imagine how else Lodge stuff can stay in the show and remain funny. I mean, I wouldn’t mind if they prove me wrong but you go too far into the dark and it’s hard to find something to laugh at.
What do I love most about all the frogbug stuff? That the Jones family appears completely oblivious to all these darker undercurrents happening in their house. They’re just living in the moment as if it wasn’t even there. And the people who do know about the darker stuff (this time possibly just Phillip) decide mugging for the camera is the best approach. This show is wacky!
I love that the most important thing is making sure Janey-E can put on Thanksgiving day for her family and friends. The darkness may not wait for holidays but Janey-E doesn’t wait for the darkness either. And maybe there’s a message after all: As long as you have your priorities in order and you’re living the right way, the darker things will work themselves out while you’re taking care of your responsibilities.

(Original edition published 11/18/2018)

The Twin Peaks: Las Vegas Halloween Special - Something Phillip This Way Comes

Welcome back to Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, my “reviews” of the imaginary Twin Peaks spin-off sitcom!

This week on the Twin Peaks: Las Vegas Halloween Special, Janey- E plans a séance after she accidentally meets Phillip Gerard in her house.

The lighting was a little darker this week on the set, and I suspect it's because the Jones Home was being filmed as if it was part of a horror movie. Even though Phillip Gerard has been around as a wacky neighbor type in previous episodes, he gets to play a genuine spooky ghost this week thanks to his interactions with one Janey-E Jones.
The show starts with Janey-E parading through her house, primping all her Halloween decorations as she goes. She says “three days!” as she pats witches on their hats, and when she fluffs the bow tie of her skeleton butler she leans right up to his face and growls “simply terrifying!” to him proudly.
She then goes into the laundry room, picks up red curtains tablecloth from the dryer, walks down the hallway, and is confronted by Phillip Gerard’s presence right in front of her. Her eyes go huge, he seems baffled, and after you could count a hard 5-4-3-2-1 she SCREAMS. He screams as well, with frightened hissing noises mixed in, and even though he's shot like a true horror movie monster he reminds me of a perturbed raccoon.
Janey-E drops the tablecloth and runs with arms swinging warrior princess style through Phillip, which makes her stop shouting once she notices what happened.
Next we see the outside of the Jones house, where Dougie is in the yard, carving one of two giant pumpkins the size of something you'd see on Halloween Wars. From inside the house we can hear Janey-E's “DOUGIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”, which she continues as Dougie looks up and tracks her all the way to her car, which she starts and drives away in.
Sonny Jim puts his head out the window upstairs and asks “is mom okay??”
Dougie doesn't say anything but his phone rings. Janey-E says “get Sonny Jim out of the house.” The whole exchange is very trope-fueled in a fun way. As she tells Dougie "there is a dirty bearded man inside our house who is quite possibly a ghost," Janey-E is being shown from a dash cam that would be perfect in a genuine scary movie. Dougie picks up on her seriousness, grabs a yellow gourd like a club and keeps his carving knife in his other hand as he goes inside.
When he sees Phillip in the hallway, it goes right back to comedy lighting. Gerard acts sheepish and Dougie sighs before he says “It’s okay, Sonny Jim, nothing’s here.”

Phillip delivers a cryptic line: “Stirips ni eerht syad emit lliw eb nopu siht---”
But Dougie interrupts him: “Phillip, it is today, not three days from now. And today, I need you out of this house. You've scared my wife.”
Phillip: “Yticirtcele lliw ward meht—“
Dougie: “Presently, Phillip!”
Phillip: “Eraweb!” (then he mugs for the camera as his opacity fades him away.)

Sonny Jim comes downstairs then, and we’re not sure if he heard this or not. This is great suspense as regular viewers know Sonny Jim even knows his name, but does Dougie know this?
The next scene is later in the day and Janey-E comes in the house with two backpacks’ worth of incense. “A lot of help you were,” she says to Hairy, who pants happily.
She calls to Dougie, who says off-camera “no dirty bearded men in the house….” He then moves into frame looking utterly ridiculous, saying ”...unless you mean THIS scruffy treasure thief, that is!” He's in a cheap-looking pirate costume with a painted rudimentary beard on his face.
Janey-E is having none of it and asks him “how can you act so calm and collected when our house has a [this is whispered:] ghost!?”
“Janey-E, you just need to eat some lunch! I made you a sandwich.” And he did make one, but the bread is mismatched and the lettuce is practically outside of the sandwich looking more like a garnish. Janey-E's facial reaction was priceless as she recognized the love Dougie put into it but also the craftsmanship. “Oh Dougie," she says while inspecting the sandwich for ingredients.
Dougie goes off happily, practicing his “argh!”, and Janey-E goes right back to her bags to start up some incense. There are a lot of great interactions in this episode but the love these two have for each other plus the awkwardness of the events made this scene a standout. Loved it!
Later that night we're still inside the house except no matter what room we see there is always visibly burning incense. Sonny Jim and Dougie are watching a horror movie, a Claymation one that seems like it should be a TV classic like A Claymation Christmas Celebration but I’m pretty sure it’s new for this show.
Janey’s talking on the phone in the kitchen, saying "it is IMPOSSIBLE to find someone to do a séance right before Halloween. People think it’s FUN talking to ghosts? These people are a front line of security between us and our afterlives, if you ask me. They should be keeping the peace, not entertaining people who don’t understand not to mess with [in a quiet voice] darker forces.”
During the Silver Mustang ad (the sound of the ending music is the tip-off), Sonny Jim comes in for the popcorn sitting in the microwave and asks “ghosts aren’t real, right mom?”
She answers “No Sonny Jim, they are not. BUT you can never be too careful, can you.” Sonny Jim looks like he wants to help but won’t say anything to her. Janey-E continues her phone call: “well if you happen to hear of any openings, please call me back. Right. Away. Thanks Beth.” She looks like she’s as in charge as ever, but her eyes dart around while she has on her brave face.
The last scene fades to dark, and comes back up in a lit-by-candles round table near their living room. It looks like the Joneses have to do a séance of their own, ON their own. Janey has her tablet on the table next to her. She lowers the screen's brightness for effect and she needs to squint to read it as she explains the instructions of a proper séance. Dougie is sitting across from her and looks nervous as hell. Sonny Jim is between them with a somewhat un-enthused expression on his face.
“We can only help ourselves sometimes!” is Janey's response to Dougie's "why are WE doing this?" The short of the pure gold of dialogue in this scene is this: It’s the night before Halloween, Janey’s been reading up on séances all day, she knows how to invite and how not to invite ghosts, and you get the distinct impression she's sure of herself. And because she doesn't come right out and say "what could possibly go wrong?" maybe she DOES know what she's doing.
She definitely has a great memory: She got extremely specific as far as details of Phillip's face. Phillip appears behind her (where only Dougie can see) and takes offense to Janey saying how his beard grows all the way from his nose hair. Dougie tries to motion to Phillip without tipping off his family that Phillip was there, but it becomes clear that Sonny Jim knows too, just not until later.
Janey-E got through her leeeeengthy introduction and asks, "non-corporeal bearded man, are you there?"  Phillip, asking with his eyes for Dougie if it's okay to say something, finally sneezes before he says "I ma".
Janey-E visibly shivered when he spoke, proving once again that she is being filmed as if she were in a genuine horror movie. To her, Phillip is definitely still a monster even though visually he's just a guy caught up in a wrong-place wrong-time jam. The juxtaposition is great.
Sonny Jim and Phillip make eye contact right about then and the surprise mixed with pride on Dougie's face was great to see. It said "what a chip off the old block!" and was pretty endearing if I have to say.
Sonny Jim says "he'll promise not to hurt us, right mom?"
Janey-E rephrases and asks Phillip directly, to which Phillip says "I od."
A few other questions go from Sonny Jim to Phillip this way, basically affirming that Phillip promises non-violence to anyone who resides in this house or is invited in (including Hairy, who woofs politely at the mention of his name). And Janey-E adds one of her own that Phillip will not watch any of the Joneses in the bathroom.
Since Phillip was so polite about everything, Janey-E was in a great mood by the end of the séance and she scrolled past any banishment paragraphs because you can tell she felt like she won the day already.

Janey-E: "Thank you, non-corporeal bearded man, please leave our house now!"
Phillip [on his way out]: “ruoy lergnom seriuqer ecnanatsus.”
Janey-E: “Oh!” Oh, yes, he does. Thank you.”

You can tell Dougie knows what went on, and that Phillip just missed a rough fate at the hands of Janey-E, and you can see he’s very proud of Sonny Jim. But before any kind of heart to heart can happen while Janey-E was in the kitchen with Hairy, a knock on the door happens.
Sonny Jim's face lights up, he practically leaps from the table, and before you know it he's putting on a cowboy hat and a duster. He opens the door, where a few kids are waiting for him, and a girl wearing a space helmet touches his arm.

Dougie: "Is TODAY Halloween?"
Sonny Jim [joyfully]: "Halloween PARTY!"

And he's out the door. Janey-E comes back in, wishes him a fun party, and she and Dougie watch him out the window for a while. Then Dougie makes a pirate joke, and Janey-E says to the ceiling "no peeking!"
And as they run up the stairs, she shouts "where is me treasure!"
But the camera doesn't follow them, it slowly zooms in on Janey-E's tablet. The screen blinks on, and we see a large spinning circle so we know SOMETHING is loading, but we're not allowed to find out what because that's when it cuts to credits.

Overall Thoughts
It was so fun to drop the Joneses into proper horror movie tropes and watch them maintain their family unit same as it ever was. Even though the cinematography was different it was still blatantly obvious what show we were watching. Though if you think about it, they've ALWAYS been in horror movie tropes: they've been living in a haunted house the whole time. Of COURSE the genre blending worked wonderfully.
I enjoy the fact that we'll probably never know what that supernatural horror was that Phillip came to warn the Joneses about in the first place. Only on this show can actual supernatural peril take a back seat to a family getting along. I'm sure this bugs some people who might think this indicated a proper cliffhanger, but I think that spinning loading symbol was just a punctuation for this episode.
Don't get me wrong, I do want to know why Phillip was delivering a message, and I am interested in how he got mixed up and met Janey-E instead of Sonny Jim or Dougie (I'm willing to brush it off as he was connected to the color red and she was the closest human to that all-red tablecloth), but the more important question is who was the girl in the space helmet?
That girl couldn't have been anyone besides the daughter of the Coopers right across the street, right? The same girl he went to talk to at the end of last episode? As far as I'm concerned, they are officially a thing. Or they're at least becoming a thing. You can NOT tell me otherwise. I just wish she'd said something. The only clues we got this time was she's slightly taller than Sonny Jim, even without the helmet. No other information! Maddening!
And yet! I find myself really happy with this episode. Is it a seasonal classic we'll be happy to see every year? The verdict is still out, but there are a lot of gems throughout, and a lot of love on display, even while Janey-E thought her house was on the front line of a spirit invasion.
I suspect when the leaves start to change next year I'll wonder if I can replicate a smaller version of  those spooky owls Dougie was carving in those pumpkins. And maybe I'll put a bow tie on a skeleton...
Who am I kidding? It's a classic. We just need time to prove me right.

(Original edition published 10/28/2018)

Twin Peaks: Las Vegas - Sonny Jim Finds Help in Episode 7

Welcome back to Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, my “reviews” of the imaginary Twin Peaks spin-off sitcom!

This week on Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, Sonny Jim starts a dog walking business to meet the neighbor girl, but gets help instead from the Polish Accountant.

The episode begins with the now-classic mailbox shot, except Sonny Jim walks into frame from the sidewalk and he checks the labels on two small boxes and one medium-sized one. Then he picks them up and brings them inside the house.
Janey-E is inside, and she’s excited to see the boxes. She tells him how she’s discovered a no-questions-asked 30-day return policy and she is planning to “gently use so many things!” And, with a twinkle in her eye she says “Think smarter!”
Sonny Jim is somewhere between bemused and unimpressed but takes the dog for a walk. He and Hairy leave out the door, then it time lapses right to their return, and through the window we see the Coopers’ car pulling up across the street. Sonny Jim watches longingly as Mr. Cooper and his daughter get out of the car.
Sonny Jim shows the leash to Harry as if to go outside again quickly, but Harry’s just outside the kitchen licking his chops and his food bowl has a spotlight on it in the back of the shot. Really well-composed depth of field. Can’t get a shot like that on a set, a nice advantage of filming in the real house.
By the time Sonny Jim acknowledges Hairy won’t go back outside, the Coopers’ front door closes. You can see the longing on Sonny Jim’s face in close-up, and it holds on him as we see resolve happening. He says quietly, “think smarter.”
We see him later at a table, drawing a rudimentary map of the neighborhood using squares for houses and parallel lines for streets and he draws dog bones on some of the houses.
Meanwhile in the background, we see Janey-E positively fawning over things that she takes from boxes. There’s pink and pastel green clothes she puts up against herself that takes up most of the time but it cuts while she’s lifting some sort of golden egg sculpture from a box like Indiana Jones lifting an idol. It was cute by itself, but the camera cutaway made it into a good laugh.
Next the montage scene returns with a vengeance. Sonny Jim is casing the neighborhood, while playing behind him is the music from Sonny Jim and the Pink Girls nature study (this time with added swishy percussion). It felt very Wes Anderson. There was dialog over this montage as well as Sonny Jim spoke to people at their front doors:

Woman neighbor: “You’re Dougie Jones’ boy, aren’t you? Of COURSE you can walk Porkchop!”
Male neighbor: ”Saves me the trouble, sure, Sonny Jim.”
Woman neighbor: “An excellent idea, I’d love to help with your business! What are you saving up for?”
Woman neighbor: “Any son of Dougie Jones can walk my dog…”
Polish Accountant: “I have dog.”
Woman neighbor: ”Aren’t you sweet? Yes you may.”

The montage ends with Sonny Jim getting home just in time to see the Coopers pulling up in their driveway. Again. He’s frustrated but he studies his watch, memorizing the time.
The montage music starts up again, this time with a sliding trombone melody in the mix. It’s the next day. Sonny Jim gets home, brings in more boxes, starts his dog walking route and we see him up and down the Coopers’ sidewalk walking dog after dog (Hairy, a Labrador, German Shepherd, Corgi, Dachshund, and a mutt that looks like a fireplug), but no Coopers. Sonny Jim studies his watch regularly. Then, music still going, he finally gets inside his house and THEN we get the Coopers’ car arriving. You could tell Sonny Jim wanted to say “arrgh!” in the most Garfield way possible but he calms down because his dad passes through the path of open boxes with a plate while happily munching on a snack.
The montage music is STILL going, and it’s the next day. A muted trumpet is now dueling with the trombone. This time, Sonny Jim gets home with the boxes and the Coopers pull up THEN.
Sonny Jim is trying to get to Hairy’s leash and then Hairy through the mess of open boxes filled with temporary Janey-E catnip, and he runs past Phillip Gerard who is in a hallway looking confused about the boxes. Gerard tries to talk to Sonny Jim but only gets shouted at: “Not now, Phillip!” Gerard seems frustrated but we leave him behind and we never get to hear what he was there for. But damn that was funny.
Then it’s the same montage shots as the day before but much faster paced. And the Coopers do not go back outside to their car for any reason whatsoever. Then there’s quick moments of the neighbors thanking Sonny Jim and closing their door after he’s done with their walks. All but the Polish Accountant, anyway.
He says “Seem down. What is wrong?” The music stops and Sonny Jim says “this isn’t working out the way I thought it would is all.”
Polish Accountant says “you use chair,” and welcomes Sonny Jim into his home.
First things first: The dog of Polish Accountant (who near-maddeningly remains unnamed through the entire episode) is the dachshund, who I absolutely want to bring home to my own dachshund. When at the door he sits to the right of P.A. very regally, and he looks like the exact perfect mismatch to the enormous man which comes off as endearing. And then the dog trots inside and sits next to a chair as if he’s showing Sonny Jim where to sit. Then when Sonny Jim doesn’t immediately move, a bark.
You know I have to interrupt here: the TV is on inside the house and I NEED to point out how the silly local ad for the Silver Mustang Casino is using the CLOSING CREDITS MUSIC AS ITS SOUNDTRACK. The weird tone of the ending used in this ad (that had visuals of the Pink Girls and Mitchums doing a conga line against a green screen) made so much more sense here than at the end of episodes. I have no idea if it helps justify the usage of it at the end of every show or not, but its cornball nature is PERFECT for a conga line ad. I’m going on YouTube next to see if anyone has a full version of the ad…I sure hope so because I’m confident it’s stacked with more show Easter Eggs.
Back to the show, P.A.’s house is well-lit, with a lot of open windows, and he and Sonny Jim have a nice conversation. I don’t know if the show is setting up P.A. to be a Yoda-like figure but his advice to Sonny Jim is to be proactive and just walk up to her, say hello, ask her about things he sees her holding onto. It’s incredibly simple, not at all creepy, and told with a comedic cadence (“Has bracelet? Ask about it. May be from boyfriend, may be from mother. Good information”). I like this guy. Wouldn’t mind seeing him around more.
Anyway, Sonny Jim heads back home. The living room has effectively become shelves for more and more products. We see golf clubs, clothes draped over couches. Random things (more clothes, a stylized walking cane) hung on the wall paintings. Sonny Jim ignores all of it and just looks out the window, saying to himself some of PA’s advice. “Keep it simple. One word after one word.” And then he jump-scares because a frazzled looking Janey-E comes up behind him and says “30 days is almost up!”
His verbal expression of surprise (“Oh man, Mom!”) made me think of Leave it to Beaver, and Janey-E snaps out of her panic and says “You’re right, Sonny Jim. I need some help!” At that moment, across the room, Dougie pops into the scene smiling at her like Paul Rudd in Romeo + Juliet and keeps walking. Janey-E misses no beats and takes out her phone, saying “Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and ask for what you need.”
Next scene we see is later on in the much-tidier living room, with Janey-E and the Pink Girls and they’re packaging up everything really nicely. There’s box tape and teamwork and they’re chattering while clearing the way. Sonny Jim takes a box from Mandie, moves it to the other side of the room with other nicely stacked boxes near the door, and says “Oh man!”
Through the window we see all three Coopers walking into their house from their car. But this time Sonny Jim gets up, walks out that door, and the camera follows behind him as he crosses the street, all the way up to the Coopers’ door, all the way to him ringing the doorbell. Cut to credits music.

Overall Thoughts
This time the credits music is the montage music again, with a saxophone in the mix with trumpet and trombone. It was very similar to Dance of the Dream Man in tone this time, and so much more welcome than the normal joke music that already showed up. This was a highly welcome shift for me, especially considering the circumstances, and makes me wonder if this is a part one of two in terms of Sonny Jim and the neighbor girl. I can’t wait to see how it turns out for Sonny Jim. I’ll predict right here that if he’s smiling in his next scene that means it went well, and if he’s sullen that means we know where the dramatic tension will come from for the (hopefully only) next few episodes. I want that guy to be happy.
It was really funny to have Dougie barely in the story, and to use him just for random appearances of doofy charm. Messing with the tone from episode to episode (having him sometimes goofy and sometimes highly confident) keeps things off balance in a good way. You just never know what you’re going to get with Dougie Jones but it’s always a gift. And from the tone of some of those neighbor ladies this episode, they completely agree with me.
I love how Janey-E and the Pink Girls have really formed a unit of friendship in this show. It’s probably my favorite element of the show so far, if nothing else for the fact of the pink ladies having actual voices. It’s always a good thing to have female friendships shown positively (and not at all focused around the lives of men).
Now, we just need to hear the Coopers’ daughter say a line or two, or at least get a full name. Hopefully we’ll get to hear what SHE has to say next time. We’re rooting for you, Sonny Jim!

(Original edition published 10/7/2018)

Twin Peaks: Las Vegas - Episode 6 Rubs Your Back and Feeds You Pie

Welcome back to Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, my "reviews" of the imaginary Twin Peaks spin-off sitcom!

This week on Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, Janey-E and the Pink Girls have a spa day while the boys try to function at home without them.

The first shot is of Hairy, sitting on the floor, and the camera at the height of a cameraman looking down at him. Then we see Phillip Gerard, half apparated into the house, recoiling from Hairy like a vampire. He darts his head around looking for anyone remotely corporeal to take care of this dog, and eventually (in a classic exasperated line delivery) says “I nac ton pleh uoy.” Gerard’s awkwardness is amazing comedy and I love how Hairy does not break eye contact with him. The scene holds on just long enough that I belly laughed when the TPLV title sequence kicked in. Best cold open of the season, hands down.
Next we have a more expected Jones living room scene, with Dougie and Janey-E present as well as the three Pink Girls. Janey-E kisses Dougie on the way out, giving him instructions on when she’ll be back (3PM) so everything should be fine, she’ll miss Dougie, and her little man (which she shouts to an out-of-room Sonny Jim). A hurried but loving goodbye. She continues to chatter, this time with Candie on the way out the door. The ladies are definitely talking about a TV competition and I’m pretty sure they’re recounting scenes from The Bachelor because they mention the word "journey" and say “He is DEFINITELY not there for the right reasons.” This episode has just been gleeful, and it even continues the Hairy gag when he tries to catch Janey-E’s attention on her way out the door. His sigh after the door closes and the house was immediately quiet was fantastic.
Dougie looks around, gets up, then methodically goes over to look in the fridge. There’s a subbed-in tummy grumble sound for him. Dougie doesn’t take anything out of the fridge, and he really looks flummoxed. Hairy comes over, looks at Dougie, then looks at his food bowl. There’s a dramatic shot of his empty food dish. Back to Hairy looking at Dougie again. A sound effect of two tummy grumble. So good.
Then we see Sonny Jim coming down the hall. He says “snacks?” Dougie shrugs. Harry drops his bowl at SJ’s feet. There is such great physical comedy timing this episode and I’m eating it up. More of this, please!
We then see Janey and the girls at the spa. They hear what kind of pampering they’re going to get. Pink robes are handed out, except for Janey’s yellow. All four ladies look excited, and Candie says something ENTIRELY bawdy. Did she mean it? Who knows!
Back to the Jones house, the camera is from inside the refrigerator's point of view as Dougie and Sonny Jim are looking into it like it was empty. An excellent touch is the sound of Hairy chowing down on his food in the background. “Not much you can eat without preparing it,” Sonny Jim says, and Dougie mouths (but does not audibly say) “call for help.” In the back of the shot, Sonny Jim’s unnamed friend (who I’m still calling Chad) walks in and says “snacks?” This episode is relentless with its dry running jokes!
We’re back at the spa. We see the women’s heads (I should say hairstyles), with three visible pink neck towels and one yellow, as they lay on massage tables in front of us. They talk while we watch masseuses place hot stones and drizzle oil on their backs. Mandie talks about her happy place, thinking about horses running through fields, and then of her riding with them. “Have you ever tried it?” Sandie says no but talks about being outside, how when she’s at work she sometimes just stands around and watches the birds out the window pretending to be up there with them. She could watch them for hours, just imagining how the wind carries their wings, flying like they’re…..but then Sandie does a Madeline-Kahn-in-Young-Frankenstein impression when her masseuse leans in to a particularly receptive place on her back. Candie says she’s always at peace, which I believe. And Janey-E says “You know what? I know it’s corny but I really love my family. I can do what I want when I want to do it, like today. I can be my own woman. And I never have to worry about my men. Everything’s good. Our son still wants to spend time with us. And my husband, he’s had his issues before, but he’s in a good place now. WE'RE in a good place. I trust my Dougie with everything.”
So of course we get an immediate scene with Dougie and the boys in the living room talking snack options. Chad’s on his phone consulting the internet, and they’re all ruling things out by level of complication. I’m not sure but I think Dougie’s eyes crossed when Chad was describing how to prepare a salsa before the step when it got chopped up. The doorbell rings and it’s back to the old school comedic timing gags. Someone’s here to save them, right? It’s the Mitchums! They always have the answers! What do they say? “You got anything to eat? The girls left before lunch and we’re out of cereal!”
We’re back at the spa. It’s a peaceful music interlude with a shot from above of the women laying on their backs and slowly floating. Very Coen Brothers down to the choreography. The women drift towards each other then pass each other while wearing towels that cover their torsos. Red lights from below the water change to purple, then blue, then to yellow. I initially thought the ladies were wearing sunglasses but it’s those green pouch things that you can wear on your eyes for rejuvination purposes. Silence from them. Classical music in the score for us. Peace.
And then a drastic cut into loud frantic multi-voiced planning session at the Jones house. The frustrated Mitchums are talking about how you "bake a fucking cake!"

Bradley, after glancing at the boys: “Sorry, a FREAKING cake! Or a goddamned steak with that honey rub. Was it honey?”
Rodney: “Yeah, that’s what Candie said it was.”
Bradley: "A honey rub for a steak!"

Fast back and forth interplay with so many little details of how they could better live their lives that I’m sure I missed a ton of nuance because I was too busy smiling. The scene kept going, even with Chad playing a video game on the couch while contributing comments. Sonny Jim was the only quiet one, pining out the window through the chaos. It was genuinely hard to hear everyone's words until the doorbell. And it was Phil Bisby! At the door! All sense of reality leaves and a yellow spotlight swings to shine directly on him, because he has groceries! Hairy puts his paws on his shoulders immediately. Things are looking up!
Back to the spa and more ladies pampering time. More conversation too. This time an entire row of multicolored toenails and feet up to ankles soaking in tubs. The camera only has one woman's feet in frame at a time and it moves to the feet of the woman who’s talking as quick as it can, but the camera is pretty slow. It can’t keep up and after a while it just stops, stopping on Sandie’s feet. Shoulder/neck rubs are being suggested by a masseuse and the scene ends with her feet happily swaying as she makes a quieter and more adorable version of the Madeline Kahn singing voice from earlier.
The scene fades, and then comes back to the Jones house. The ladies all walk in through the front door. Janey-E says “Oh my goodness! WHAT is that wonderful smell?” The guys are all hanging out in that front area of the house. Bradley and Rodney are watching Chad play his game, trying to understand. Sonny Jim is trying to teach them what’s going on. Dougie is sitting royally nearby in his big chair, “Steaks!” he says to Janey-E. “And pie!”.
Plates are near everyone. They obviously ate well. Phil is in the shot back in the kitchen, cleaning dishes like a madman, happily. Phil Bisby in action puts all the Food Network hosts to shame, based on the empty plates and the amount of dishes lined up to dry.

Janey E: “Did you serve asparagus?”
Phil: “Yes I did.”
Janey: How did you get my guys to eat that?!”
Phil: “I spread olive oil on it, sprinkled some salt, and baked it for 7 minutes.”

There’s a number of quick recipe tricks like that, all in quick succession. I’m going to have to see if they work. It sounded amazing. Before he was packed up, though, The oven dings. “The pie is ready!” Phil says. He looks at Hairy and says “Come on, helper, get everybody over here and let’s have a look.”
Hairy happily barks like Lassie and does it, herding everyone over. The last shot is from the Pie’s point of view in the oven, mirroring the fridge shot from earlier. The oven opens, and Phil is there in the center with the Joneses around him, with Chad, Mitchums and Girls around the endges. Even Hairy is in one of the corners. Every single one of them is looking upon it with pure joy and longing. We never see the pie, but we can tell it’s glowing. You can tell it’s one hell of a pie.
“Heavenly!” says Janey-E. Hairy audibly licks his chops. Hard cut to credits and the goofy music.

Overall Thoughts
This entire episode was a delight! I stopped looking for big themes almost right away when I knew there was going to be a running gag with Hairy looking for someone to feed him, and it kept rewarding me with the timing of the comedy throughout. I guess if I had to call out anything as a theme, it’s taking care of yourself and being taken care of.
It’s a creature comforts kind of episode. But the farce is exactly the kind of enjoyment that made me stop worrying about big picture stuff. It was fun the whole way through, and kind of felt like the show was pampering us too between the fun enjoyment of watching the boys go full-on farce and the vicarious spa treatment in the ladies’ scenes. It perfectly rotated between calm and laughter. This was just plain nice.
I’m glad the Pink Girls got their voices out this episode, and that we got to hear some inner Janey-E rather than just the strong person that serves as the glue that holds the Joneses together.
The Mitchums owned their scenes per usual, and Sonny Jim’s unnamed friend brought out their inner Uncle Buck vibes. It was really endearing to watch them try to understand "kids these days." Their outrage of being hungry coupled with trying to be gentlemanly around the kids was a great push and pull.
So much kinetic action happened at the Jones house but I cannot let myself forget Phillip Gerard. The Mitchums stole their scenes but nobody deadpans better than the one armer.
It’s been a few hours since I watched this episode but the need for apple pie is undeniable. This episode makes me want a slice of pie more than any Twin Peaks from the past couple of years. I feel positively refreshed. And, optimistic! Let’s go bake a pie!

(Original edition published 9/16/2018)

Twin Peaks: Las Vegas - Episode 5 Gets Janey-E a Little (a Lot!) Jealous

Welcome back to Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, my “reviews” of the imaginary Twin Peaks spin-off sitcom! 

This week in Twin Peaks: Las Vegas, the Joneses have an accident on the road when Dougie accidentally rear-ends an old girlfriend. Look out, Jade!

The show begins as Dougie is driving the whole family (dog included) to play Frisbee at a park. Everyone’s happy, there’s pleasant guitar strumming in the soundtrack, and it feels like it was going to be a good day. But then Dougie turns to look at his son instead of the road, says “You know, Sonny Jim, back in my day I was pretty good with a Frisbee,” and immediately there is a bang because he’s rear-ended the car in front of him. Dougie was classy about making sure everyone was okay, even asking the dog, “Hairy, you’re all right?”
The yellow Jeep may not have been an immediate tip-off to everybody, but suspicions were confirmed when Jade got out of the car. Dougie smiles, says “Jade! Are you all right?” Janey-E’s eyes narrow and she says nothing. Everyone gets out of the car and moves around to shake off the accident.
While Dougie looks at the damage, Hairy puts his front paws on Jade. And Janey-E’s first verbal sound is “hmph.” Completely classic.
Her sound of course uncorks a massive explanation of “We were supposed to go to the park!” (in an episode-long refrain that reminds me so much of Dante in Clerks saying “I wasn’t even supposed to be here today!”) and she overly explains to Jade that they were going “as a family!” and that she “is Dougie’s wife!” and Sonny Jim is “our loving son!”  She also makes sure to tell Hairy that the Joneses are “YOUR family too, you know!”
The next scene is that night at the Jones home and you can tell Dougie’s still in the doghouse with Janey-E over the whole Jade thing even though Jade couldn't have been classier about the accidental crossing of paths, or that Dougie showed nothing overtly creepy towards Jade at all despite their past history. It was funny though as Dougie thought about interjecting a couple times before deciding to close his mouth and stay quiet.
The next afternoon Dougie goes around a nearby moving van and pulls up in the driveway in an unfamiliar car. He gets out of the driver’s seat and Latte Frank gets out of the passenger seat to get back behind the wheel, happily calling out to Janey-E “Your husband really likes to drive!” Which really starts her off on the wrong foot, and got me expecting an “I bet he does” or the like.
Next is that establishing shot of the Jones house with the mailbox in prominent view. Dougie and Hairy come out the front door while a song with a whistling melody begins that reminds me of The Andy Griffith Show, and I swear deep in the sound mix there’s a lady audibly catcalling. Which matches really well with the one neighbor lady practically tripping as she hauled ass outside with her watering can, or the man down the road with the hose maintaining a little too much eye contact, or the woman who “forgot something in her car” just in time to squeal “Dougieeee!” All of this was happening as we watch through the window with Janey-E, her expression fluctuating between “That’s right!” and “That’s MY show pony, back off.” Though the only thing she actually mutters out loud is “We were supposed to go to the park.”
Janey-E’s jealousy was adorable, and the concept of Obliviously Happy Dougie being a known sex symbol of the neighborhood cracked me up. It’s a lot more plausible here than his catatonic attraction powers from Season 3, and you can tell he’s not interested in the attention so the scenes become entertaining rather than making us worry about any actual temptation afoot (proven with his “They’re just being friendly” said complete with upturn that expressed his does-not-compute understanding of Janey-E’s observation). It was also pretty funny that as Dougie got back to the front door Janey-E rushed out and ushers him in saying “Get inside before the new neighbors see you!” And when she’s back inside the house she says “Sonny Jim, you’re going to walk Hairy from now on, okay, mister?”
Though after Dougie goes off to another room, Janey-E gets a view outside the window (presumably of the new neighbors), and she quietly says “Oh!” and blushes. The rest of the getting-ready-for-dinner scenes go and you can tell Janey-E is a little confounded. She barely speaks, seems way less steamed, and you can tell she was pondering something big time. Dougie comes over to her in his most straightforward lawman-style delivery yet and says “Janey-E, I only have eyes for you. Jade’s not coming back, and I’m not interested in old girlfriends. That part of my life is behind me now. I know it bothered you, but I only need you and Sonny Jim in my heart now. Oh, and this scruffy guy too.” He pets Hairy on the noggin.
You can tell Janey-E melts during this, and begins to gush quickly and verbally, talking about how she shouldn’t worry “about the neighborhood finding you rightly attractive” or “how you’ve had a downright tumultuous past” because “I KNOW you’re a family man,” et cetera and she even goes into understanding how crushes are harmless anyway and that Dougie “can only help how attractive you are as much as the new Mister Neighbor can” (which perked up Dougie) and she kept going on and on, and so on and so forth, until the doorbell rang and she says “and I’m going to get the door now! I love you, Dougie Jones.”
And Janey-E indeed opens the door to a person we aren’t shown, but the voice says “Hello! We’re your new neighbors, the Coopers! We’re just across the street and wanted to introduce ourselves.” Janey-E smiles, begins introducing the family and the camera moves to Dougie, then close-ups of Janey-E pleasantly talking (but with no sound). You can tell Dougie is admiring her and it hit me right in the feels. It’s a really sweet show.
While Janey-E is still talking at the door with the unseen Mrs. Cooper, Sonny Jim walks in, looks out the window and says “Who is THAT?” Dougie looks, says “Oh, the new neighbors must have a daughter your age. You should say hello to her if you see her at school. I bet that would make her feel really welcome.”
The last shot of the show is Sonny Jim, still looking out the window, with a slight blush on his cheeks.

Overall Thoughts
Being a Twin Peaks sitcom, I can’t help but be fascinated by the last name of the new neighbors. Is this one of those Mike and Bobby/MIKE and BOB things, or how there were a ton of random Bills and Williams in Season 3? Any other show, it wouldn’t make sense to do this, but you have to wonder: IS Dale Cooper the Jones’ new neighbor? And, WHO is the wife? (I’ll put in a vote for the first name of Annie, just to ruffle all you shippers’ feathers).
However all that in-show theorizing will go, I’m glad the grown-ups in this show have harmless puppy love at worst. I love that the love in the Jones home is built like a rock. Maybe it can be toyed with for a day but then straightens itself out. I’m really glad they handled Janey-E’s jealousy the way they did. You can tell she actually trusts Dougie now, and it’s obvious to all of us that the OG Dougie tulpa’s overindulgent days of the past is 100% left there in the past. The Dougie born from Season 3 is the only Dougie left and Janey-E knows it.
That’s all excellent character work, but even better than that is Sonny Jim’s full-on crush at the end, which is beyond endearing. I hope he gets to meet the neighbor girl sooner than later but I bet that’ll get dragged out like crazy just to make our hearts need it to happen, and to keep any parent identities under cover as well.
This show’s shaping up to have a continuity to it, even if a main plot gets wrapped up in each episode in traditional sitcom fashion. And I think I like the continuity being there. Even though hard transition from Sonny Jim’s sweetness to the goofy circus-like closing credits music was jarring and didn’t work at all, it didn’t take me out of it enough to depreciate any of the happiness I got from enjoying the Joneses and their giant dog interacting together. I’m also enjoying how every week the show goes where it goes. I don’t ask much from it besides to take me along with the Joneses, but next week I really want to see Sonny Jim talking to that girl!

(Original edition published 9/2/2018)